Kamen Rider THE NEXT
► Review from 10/27/2007
Articles
2005’s Kamen Rider THE FIRST, the big-screen “reimagining” of the
original Kamen Rider story, proved successful enough to warrant a sequel.
This, for fans of the original movie, turned out to be a pretty good thing, as
the end did leave us hanging as to the exact fate of the Rider(s) in question.
Now, 2 years down the road (in both real & movie time) the adventures of
the updated Hongô Takeshi & Ichimonji Hayato continue in Kamen Rider
THE NEXT, released October 27th, 2007. And as with the previous film, I
made the trek to see it opening day, although this time it involved going about
3 hours via various train lines as opposed to just taking a train downtown.
But that’s country/suburban/not-Tokyo life for you.
Arriving at the theater early, I had time to pick up some of the theater-
exclusive goods: the V3 Hopper Pen, the clear files, the keychain & cell
phone straps, the postcards, the pass case (think like what Den-O uses to
transform, only not made of metal/plastic) and the all-essential program with
bonus DVD that I have yet to bother to look at. The previous showing got
out not long after that, and I was pleased to hear comments that ranged from
“It was very good” to “It was interesting”, and the audience make-up was a
diverse range of parents and their kids, young couples, school girls (going for
any one of the three stars, I imagine), etc. Yes, in spite of the PG-12 rating
(which is notable since movies rated PG-13 the U.S. make it onto prime time
TV here like it was no problem), NEXTy managed to bring in a diverse
range, and it was heartwarming to see parents telling their kids about the old
days with Hongô & V3 and not struggling like when they have to explain why
Tendô and the gang are now running around in a post-apocalyptic world.
original Kamen Rider story, proved successful enough to warrant a sequel.
This, for fans of the original movie, turned out to be a pretty good thing, as
the end did leave us hanging as to the exact fate of the Rider(s) in question.
Now, 2 years down the road (in both real & movie time) the adventures of
the updated Hongô Takeshi & Ichimonji Hayato continue in Kamen Rider
THE NEXT, released October 27th, 2007. And as with the previous film, I
made the trek to see it opening day, although this time it involved going about
3 hours via various train lines as opposed to just taking a train downtown.
But that’s country/suburban/not-Tokyo life for you.
Arriving at the theater early, I had time to pick up some of the theater-
exclusive goods: the V3 Hopper Pen, the clear files, the keychain & cell
phone straps, the postcards, the pass case (think like what Den-O uses to
transform, only not made of metal/plastic) and the all-essential program with
bonus DVD that I have yet to bother to look at. The previous showing got
out not long after that, and I was pleased to hear comments that ranged from
“It was very good” to “It was interesting”, and the audience make-up was a
diverse range of parents and their kids, young couples, school girls (going for
any one of the three stars, I imagine), etc. Yes, in spite of the PG-12 rating
(which is notable since movies rated PG-13 the U.S. make it onto prime time
TV here like it was no problem), NEXTy managed to bring in a diverse
range, and it was heartwarming to see parents telling their kids about the old
days with Hongô & V3 and not struggling like when they have to explain why
Tendô and the gang are now running around in a post-apocalyptic world.
I only wish the euphoria of being there on opening day for a Rider movie could have continued, but alas, it was not to be. Or sure,
it would come and go over the next 103 minutes, but by and large I must admit that Kamen Rider THE NEXT was a mixed bag,
even more so than its predecessor, which I generally liked. Part of the success of that was that I went in with almost no
expectations; after months of building them up, I came to the conclusion that the movie could never possibly meet them (and trust
me, they were pretty high) so as I result, I let them all go, and enjoyed the film for what it is. This time, it was a bit more difficult
since I knew what I liked in the first one, and hoped to see more of that this time around. And in some ways, that's exactly what
happened.
(Warning: What follows are MEGA SPOILERS for the entire movie. Having second thoughts about reading the spoiler-filled
version? Turn back now!)
Following the standard Toei logo (accompanied by some creepier-than-usual sounds) we open with a woman preparing dinner for
her shut-in son, pouring ridiculous amounts of mayonnaise on everything (it’s funny because it’s true.) Said son, who is way too
old to still be living at home, is locked in his room, which is covered wall-to-wall with posters and paraphernalia of Chiharu, a
popular idol with one hit to her name, but it’s one major hit: “Platinum Smile”, the video of which our fellow watches on his
computer. But suddenly, things start to get weird. The sound becomes warped and filled with background noise. Even when the
dude pulls his headphones out of the computer, it’s still messed up. Then the picture stutters and fuzzes. Then, on all the posters in
the guy’s room, Chiharu’s eyes vanish, punched in by some unseen force. And then the man becomes to spasm. Outside, his
mother is alerted by the volume of the song going way up, accompanied by buzzing and other weird noises. She goes to check on
him, and finds him gone, with splotches of blood all over the floor. She finds his glasses, sliced cleanly in half. And then the man
appears from a cabinet behind her, covered in blood, his face sliced up. He reaches out towards her before collapsing.
Chiharu (Mori Erika) finishes her song, and leaves a live event, besieged by screaming fans.
Cue the title. It’s nowhere near as exciting as in the last movie, no sample of the original Kamen Rider or V3 theme songs,
nothing— just the title up in the sky, and then the names of the cast over some shots of Tokyo at night, accompanied by strange
ghostly voices.
We’re told that it’s been 2 years since Hongô Takeshi & Ichimonji Hayato betrayed Shocker. Hongô (Kikawada Masaya) is
now a teacher at Jônan University. Well okay, Jônan University High School. No, it doesn’t make much sense, but trust me, it’s
stuff like this which you’ll appreciate later in the movie when you wonder where the hell Hongô even is. Anyway, he’s
attempting to teach a class of rowdy kids about the human genome and all that, and of course none of them could care less. All
the kids refer to him as “Takeshi”, and the girls all seem intent on shacking up with him. One of them, in what may very well be the
worst pick-up line ever, asks “Will you give me your genes?” and pulls her skirt up. I know. It's creepy.
Capital H wisely decides it’s a good time to book it, because here it comes in 3… 2… 1… horribly-acted bullying that happens in
every friggin’ high school scene in Japanese movies/TV! Seriously, can’t those kids just get along? The victim this time is Kikuma
Kotomi (Ishida Miku), who is like anti-social to the max. She tells the other girls to shove it and takes off. Hongô has a chat with
the assistant principal (Saitô Yosuke) who dishes out some life advice which proves pretty useless since he talks like he has no
teeth. Seriously, I consider my listening skills to be pretty good, but I had to really struggle to figure out what this guy was saying
half the time. Hongô just thinks about how much he wishes Miyauchi Hiroshi was in this movie while Kotomi takes off in a huff.
Chiharu gets signed up with Trister Promotions, where her manager Yamazaki (Rokkaku Shinji) tries to deter her nosy interviewer
from asking about the rumored curse that comes with “Platinum Single”: people who listen to it have been winding up dead. And
that ain’t good for sales now, is it? But Trister’s bigwig, Shindô (Shimada Kyuusaku) is confident that it’s all just some silly rumor.
Being a responsible teacher and all, Hongô goes to Kotomi’s apartment in hopes of getting her to open up about why she’s been
such a resentful little cretin. Because, in spite of that fact, she’s also like the only one in his class who isn’t doomed to spend the
rest of their life punching holes out of three ring binder files for a living, so he might as well try to save somebody, right? There’s
this really awkward scene around this point with a woman talking on her phone in some language I don’t recognize at all, maybe
when someone else sees the movie we’ll find out she’s actually giving away the ending this early on, but who knows. Kotomi is
just ticked off, and leaves in a huff (once again), although before this Hongô helps take out her trash and sees that she has several
magazines with Chiharu on the cover. He asks Kotomi if she’s a fan, but the other girl reacts coldly. Yes, even more coldly than
usual.
I should take a moment to explain some things here. First off, the events of the previous movie are referred to very vaguely here
and there, and the finer details— such as Asuka, if you’ve been wondering— are left out. I suppose we can assume that Hongô &
Asuka parted ways, but it’s not really important to the story (at least until you realize a major part of the Hongô/Ichimonji dynamic
revolved around Asuka, but hey— it is an Inoue script, remember.) Second, a lot of stuff happens in a fairly short span of time in
this thing, and I’m writing this all from memory and few quick notes I jotted down after leaving the theater, so some events may be
slightly out of sequence. And third, despite how much it may seem to the contrary, this is all going somewhere eventually, so sit
tight and read on.
Finally, Shocker enters the picture! Scissors-Jaguar (Tomorowo Taguchi), in human form, gets driven up to some fancy restaurant
(it was either Gathering of the something-or-other or something of the Gathering, I forget.) He enters and, unnoticed by all,
disappears into a creepy painting that looks like “The Last Supper” with the Shocker emblem on it. So yes, Shocker’s secret base
this time is under a restaurant. If that wasn’t nutty enough, we’ve got another indication of the film’s PG-12 rating coming up, as
our feline friend looks down on the cool Shocker control room, with a nifty holographic globe and… Chainsaw-Lizard & the
Shocker Riders all standing around buck-naked aside from their masks. I can’t explain this bit at all, other than to guess that
maybe they’re all fresh off the operating table, but still. Fortunately, we’re spared anything really explicit (and by really explicit I
mean “Shocker Rider Arse”.) I dunno, I don’t mind having nudity in Kamen Rider when there’s obvious artistic or story value, but
the lack of an explanation here (echoed in the fully-dressed Scissors-Jaguar literally looking like “Oh jeez, did I come in at a bad
time?”) makes it just an extremely odd moment. Thankfully, this is dispelled by the Shocker Leader (Naya Gorô!) making a
welcome voice-over cameo, explaining the basics in case you somehow haven’t figured out that Shocker is evil and wants to take
over the world because, hey, wouldn’t you? It’s a nice little bit, although you have to feel for poor Naya when he watches the
movie now and sees that all that time, he was really talking to a bunch of naked guys.
In a dark, slimy pit somewhere, a tentacle is seen slinking along the surface, and an arm rises from the water…
Somewhere around this point, this guy who Kotomi knows gets murdered in a similar fashion to the dude at the beginning of the
movie, although this time he’s in his car and we see who the killer is— a creepy girl with a bandaged face and signs of horrible
scarring around her eye. Yeah, I’m not going to lie to you— the “horror” element of this movie that was so touted in the pre-
release materials is inspired by (i.e. rips off) Japanese horror movies like “Ring”, and it does it pretty shamelessly. Now, this
wouldn’t be a problem but for one major issue, which I’ll get to later. That said, these scenes are pretty creepy and well-executed
in their own right, and some of the shots here, including the long-shot of the victim literally exploding into a ploom of blood and
then a brief through-the-window shot of what’s left are downright chilling. Anyway, Kotomi comes across the remains of the poor
fellow, and fortunately for her, Hongô shows up before anything else nasty can happen. I like how our hero also takes the horrific
death in stride— he’s more concerned about the fact that there’s a dead guy at all, rather than that the guy died an extremely
gruesome death. It just seems very true to Kamen Rider in general, were people have been killed by such terrible means as
drowning on land and being thrown through space-time portals… just because!
Hongô takes Kotomi back to her apartment (how he got in is a mystery best left unsolved) and we learn a few things. For starters,
the dude who was killed was the president of Chiharu’s fan club. He was watching the “Platinum Smile” video at the time of his
death. We learn a bit more about Kotomi, including that her parents are divorced (this causes Hongô to shed a tear! Hit close to
home?) And, as our hero observes from a photo, she used to be good friends with Chiharu! So what happened? She got a
mysterious final phone call in which her friend seemed determined to kill herself, and then… nothing. Of course, Chiharu’s still
around, right? Kotomi wants to figure out what happened, and Hongô’s interested in helping out, but remember, this is Kotomi, so
she shoots him down and storms off in a huff. She's good at that.
Yamazaki drops Chiharu off at her own apartment, and after a bath the idol is doing up her hair when she receives a very
unwelcome visit from the mysterious bandage-faced girl, who drops to the ground and starts acting like the jerky “Sadako”-
knockoff that she is. She attacks Chiharu, who freaks out and runs to the roof. She begins to have some sort of a panic attack,
and remembers being on an operating table, undergoing plastic surgery on her face. Kotomi is poking around outside, and Hongô
shows up not long afterwards on the Cyclone, just in case you were wondering where it’s been. Just as they’re about to go find
Chiharu, the said girl comes plummeting down from the roof, and we see that her face is covered in slashes, just like the other
victims. Then, in a really bizarre moment that I’ll need to see the movie over again to fully understand, a hologram of Chiharu’s
unscarred face appears over the dead girl’s, saying “I’m not Chiharu” over and over. Huh?
Now, if you’re anything like me, you’re probably thinking one thing right now: “Where’s Rider 1 to come kick this stupid bandage-
faced dork in the face so we can get on with the proper action?” I wish it were that simple. Still, we do get some proper action
right now as a strange woman (Masahiko Rie) in a tight leather suit and boots that must hurt like hell shows up and, guess what?
She’s really Chainsaw-Lizard! Lizzie puts on her mask and summons her six Shocker Rider buddies to the fight, and suddenly,
Hongô finds himself in a bit of a tight spot. The ersatz Riders proceed to beat up on our hero, and Chainsaw-Lizard lives up to her
name by pulling out a big honkin’ chainsaw! Fortunately, before he can lose his head or anything else, Hongô reveals his Henshin
Belt and suits up in a really neat transformation sequence. It’s not the full-blown “Rider…Henshin!”, but it’s pretty cool, and
there’s jumping. And jumping’s good.
It’s smackdown time, finally, and in the ensuing melee our outmatched hero manages to make Chainsaw-Lizard accidentally slice
off one of the Shocker Riders’ legs! Rider 1 then makes a tactical retreat on the Cyclone. Naturally, Kotomi sees the whole thing,
and suddenly realizes that maybe Hongô's not such a dork after all.
Somewhere along the line, we finally get a scene with Ichimonji. It’s not much, but we basically get a sense of what he’s been
doing the past two years— dressing up like a fruitloop, going to hostess bars and putting other Ladies’ Men Riders like Daisuke
to shame (ironic considering who plays V3 in this movie), and then retreating to the bathroom to grimace and groan as the
Rejection continues to spread throughout his body. You see, Ichimonji’s dying. Unlike Hongô, who apparently got the better deal
out of becoming a cyborg, our identity-challenged hero is living on borrowed time. So he’s doing what anyone would do—
drinking a lot and trying to score as many dates as possible!
There’s some more hijinks at school the next day when those badly-acted “bullies” attempt to kidnap Kotomi or something. I’m
not really sure, it’s another odd scene that requires a second showing to fully comprehend. Maybe they just wanted to go
somewhere and admit their undying love for her or something (remember, this review is rated PG-12 as well.) Fortunately, now
that he’s remembered he’s Kamen freakin’ Rider 1 (you really would think otherwise prior to that fight scene), Hongô takes a
new hands-on approach to discipline at school, and causes a little property damage as he prevents the student body from getting
out of control. This scene is utterly brilliant, I defy you to not crack up as Hongô takes the tire from a motorcycle he stopped cold
and calmly hands it to a dude (who is absolutely 100% sure that he’s going to die in 3 seconds) with a look that says “You do that
again and I’m calling your parents, Tanaka!”
Meanwhile, a new girl is met by Shindô and Yamazaki. Shindô informs her that she will become Chiharu now. Yamazaki is
surprised and then rather horrified to learn that the girl will undergo plastic surgery to make her look exactly like Chiharu. And it
seems she isn’t the first one to go through such a process… The surgery (performed by a rather shifty looking bunch) goes down
well, and Chiharu lives once again…
Thanks to his little demonstration, every kid in the school is scared @#$%less of Hongô, and Kotomi, now armed with an actual
sense of respect for her science teacher, decides to ask him to help her sort out this whole Chiharu mess. Considering it’s the only
way he’s going to be able to get from the movie where he’s a quirky science teacher running around while people are being
murdered gruesomely back into the movie where he’s a super hero fighting those Shocker guys, he agrees.
They decide to seek out Chiharu’s older brother, Shirô, president of the IT corporation ExStream, which had a notable accident
not too long ago where everyone in the company just up and vanished. So much for ExStream! They head out to the country and
arrive at the home of Shirô, whose last name is Kazami. Yeah, you know where this is going.
We are introduced to Kazami (Katô Kazuki) as he pours some vintage wine, and shushes Hongô & Kotomi, explaining that
they’re destroying the natural grace of the wine by talking or some baloney. Kotomi gets ticked off and starts asking him about
Chiharu, but he acts fairly confident that Chiharu is just fine and she’s nuts. Just when it seems things can’t get any worse,
Chainsaw-Lizard drops in, makes some innuendo-laced quips, and hey— guess who she brought along? The Shocker Riders
ambush Hongô and he’s thrown right out of the building, transforming en route. Outnumbered by the evil Riders and chainsaw-
wielding maniac, things go from really bad to even worse when Kazami transforms into the third version of the Hopper cyborg—
Kamen Rider V3! He punches Rider 1 away effortlessly, and our hero can only run, because he’s hopelessly overpowered up
against all these bad guys. Taking off on the Cyclone, he is pursued by the Shocker Riders on their own Shocker bikes.
Motorcycle chase!
Smashing through a “Do Not Enter” sign, Rider 1 makes his way into a wide open field where the Shocker Riders begin hurling
explosive darts (in a nice nod to their hand blasts in the original series.) With help from slow-motion and some wires, Rider 1
knocks the Shocker Riders off their bikes, but is himself taken right off by a swipe from Chainsaw-Lizard, and then knocked
down by V3 on his Hurricane driving right into the other Rider’s face! The Shocker Riders surround the fallen hero (in another
nod to the past; note the poses they take here) and things are looking pretty bad for our hero. But wait, what’s that sound? Who’s
that approaching blurry figure on the bike there? Who else?
Rider 2 roars up and flips off his bike, kicking people in the face like it was going out of style. This is probably the second best
moment in the movie (the first one’s coming up later), because it is classic Ridr-2-saving-Rider-1’s-bacon action. Our heroes
manage to get away, leaving the Shocker hordes in the dust.
Hongô tries to thank Rider 2, but the latter, feeling weak from the Rejection, can utter no reply, and simply keeps on driving. The
Double Riders have been united, if only so briefly…
There’s probably something involving Chiharu around this point, but to be honest with you, this particular subplot really begins to
wear out its welcome when it becomes apparent what’s actually going on. Again, more on that later (I'm trying like hell to put off
going on about it, because it's pretty major.)
Kazami takes a shower whilst Chiharu’s music video plays on a TV in the background. Kotomi’s words about Chiharu apparently
had some effect, as he begins to wonder about his little sister, whom he hasn’t seen in some time. You couldn’t have picked an
odder time to have that revelation, Kaz.
So he goes to see Chiharu, and gives her a watch as a present. But her reaction tells him that, despite how she appears, she’s not
his sister. So now he goes to see Hongô & Kotomi (who are quickly turning into some kind of double act, as you can tell.) He
wants to know what they know about Chiharu, but Hongô insists that he tell them what his deal is. Like, why he’s working for
Shocker, who are (drum roll) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL!
Kazami relates the day when Shocker chose him— the last day he saw Chiharu as well. In an extended flashback, we see how
Shocker (in broad daylight) introduced deadly nanobots into the ventilation system of Kazami’s company. Chiharu was visiting at
the time, but felt ill and took her leave before a ton of guys in gas masks and biohazard suits came rushing in, led by Scissors-
Jaguar. As a timer ticks down, Shocker feeds the frightened staff some bogus story about this just being a routine life-threatening
evil organization plan (you know, regular day in Tokyo.) One guy is foolish enough to ask to be let out to tell his wife he loves her
or somethin’, and Scissors-Jaguar obliges. Then puts on his own grisly Jaguar mask, and sharpens his scissor blade hands.
One decapitated guy later, the countdown reaches zero and the nanobots attack, graphically killing everyone but Kazami & his
secretary (who I’m pretty sure is later Chainsaw-Lizard.) Seeing that they are the only worthy ones, Shocker presents them with
the rose bouquets, and the rest is history. Like Ichimonji in the first movie, Kazami feels empowered by his newfound cybernetic
powers and is apparently blind to Shocker’s true purpose. This would seem to lend credibility to the idea that they don’t actually
brainwash everyone who gets turned into a cyborg. Maybe use some subtle mental influence to bring out their inner badness, but it
would seem that guys like Scissors-Jaguar (and Spider & Bat in the last movie) really are just rotten people, and Ichimonji &
Kazami were easily manipulated, unlike the more stalwart (and at times, borderline socially-inept) Hongô. Kazami ends his story
by punching Hongô in the chest and sending him flying; get used to this, it’s gonna happen a LOT in the next hour.
Chiharu is at a photo shoot when she suddenly suffers a panic attack and has a breakdown, begging to “have her face returned”
Yamazaki takes her away, trying to pass it off as a random illness.
Ichimonji, stumbling along in a tunnel, comes face-to-face with Hongô at last. As it turns out, the Riders haven’t seen each other in
2 years, and despite Ichimonji not wanting to open up as usual, Hongô convinces him to go to a bar and have a drink (Hongô
drinks milk!) Kazami shows up to interrupt things and taunt the traitors, to which Ichimonji responds quite unfavorably. The best
part about this scene is the bartender is standing there the whole time while these guys grab each other by the throat and threaten
to destroy each other, and he acts like it’s just another day at the grind. Before the Rider Threats get too far though, Hongô gets a
call from Kotomi. She’s located Chiharu, who is not at all well.
Hongô, Kazami & Kotomi meet with Chiharu, who is still freaking out (Ichimonji wisely chooses to stay out of this subplot
completely, and by the end of the movie you won’t blame him.) It is deduced once again that she’s not the real Chiharu, and she
confesses the truth. She, and the other Chiharu who was murdered earlier in the movie, are in fact rival singers who underwent
plastic surgery (under Shindô’s orders) to become Chiharu after they… kinda killed her. Well sorta, but not quite. Kazami still has
the watch he had meant to give to her, and when Kotomi takes it, she experiences a flashback/psychic vision/something. Around
the same time that Kazami’s company was attacked and he was chosen to become V3, Chiharu was at an audition or something
where the other two girls, seeking to take their rival out of the running, decided to push her down a flight of stairs. The opportunity
arose when Chiharu was conveniently standing around on a flight of stairs, gurning and doing “pained reaction acting” as she felt
the nanobots she had been infected with earlier begin to decay her flesh. The other girls push her down the stairs, and in what is
arguably the movie’s most ridiculous scene, she goes face-first into a switchbox, getting electrocuted and horribly disfigured.
Kazami believes now that those girls killed Chiharu, but it’s worse than that: she survived, albeit now deformed on one side of her
face. Logical consensus says that she should have just moved to Gotham City and become a super-villain or something and it
would be all cool, but no, she tries to continue with her career. But seriously, who wants to see her ugly mug, right? So she walks
around with bandages on her face (hint hint), eventually deciding she can’t take it anymore and kills herself, calling Kotomi one last
time and leaving the watch to be given to her brother. So that’s how Kazami knew Chiharu wasn’t Chiharu— he was giving her
the same watch she used to own!
Kazami theorizes that Chiharu is somehow trying to communicate from beyond the grave, and also casually adds in that Shocker
is planning to turn all of Japan into cyborgs with the nanobots tomorrow morning or something (guess who takes that news well?)
The fake Chiharu freaks out some more and runs off, and Kotomi follows. Kazami seems torn over what to do: keep pursuing this
incredibly contrived and cheesy horror plot, or join Hongô in kicking ass and delivering the Rider goods. The resolution will
involve a little of both, but this really is about the point where Kamen Rider THE NEXT becomes two completely separate
movies, with the Chiharu subplot interrupting the otherwise awesome Riders vs. Shocker plot. Hold onto your seats, it’s going to
be a bumpy ride from here on out.
Hongô, who seems pretty tired of this whole Chiharu business (like the audience, he’s trying hard not to laugh about the
electrocution scene) is determined to stop Shocker, with or without Kazami’s help. As he drives towards Shocker’s not-so-secret
loading dock, Ichimonji shows up and offers his help, but Hongô suddenly punches him (again with the punching!) and reveals that
the Rejection has overtaken Ichimonji’s body even more. Not wanting to let Ichimonji just throw his life away, Hongô goes it
alone, leaving the other man laying flat on the pavement.
Back in that mucky place from like an hour ago or whenever, someone, or something, has lurched its way out and is crawling
along a ventilation shaft…
Scissors-Jaguar oversees the loading of the nanobots onto a Shocker-approved truck whilst the goons drive around, popping
wheelies and generally looking cool. But the evil master plan is suddenly put on hold as things begin exploding randomly, and
Hongô pulls up on the Cyclone, transforming into Rider 1. He takes out the driver of Jaguar’s car, so the catty guy leaps atop the
truck, suiting up. Rider 1 also jumps onto the back of the truck, and engages the Kaijin & henchmen in combat.
Kotomi goes to the Trister offices and tries to get Shindô to let her see Chiharu. There’s a lot of yelling and then some creepy stuff
as the bandage-faced girl appears in Chiharu’s room, but to be perfectly honest these parts are just getting obtrusive and
monotonous (especially since we’re in the middle of the fight scene) so to make a long story short Shindô, Yamazaki & the fake
Chiharu all die in a bloody mess like the useless side characters that they are. It really is pretty crappy, and made all the worse by
the fact that, as you’ve probably guessed, the real killer herself is none other than the original Chiharu, or her ghost, or something.
It’s not really clear, but it’s so disappointing because I was absolutely sure it was going to turn out to be either Scissors-Jaguar or
Chainsaw-Lizard. Y’know, since their whole thing involves stabbing/slicing/dicing people, and it makes perfect sense for them to
attempt an evil scheme using pop music? Hey, worked for Gorgom. Anyway…
Back in the other movie, Rider 1 fights as hard as he can, but he’s still getting overwhelmed. Considering his enemies in this film
have been Shocker Riders, a crazy lady with a chainsaw for an arm and Hasami-Jaguar 2.0 himself, I can’t blame him.
Fortunately, Ichimonji shows up and in the absolute coolest moment in the movie, and possibly one of the top moments in the
past decade of Kamen Rider, he jumps off of his bike, kicks himself through the side of a truck, knocking it over and pulling his
bike along with him. The truck spins out of control and explodes, and Rider 2 comes roaring out of the explosion on the Cyclone
2, and we’re treated to a slow-motion take as he roars towards the camera. It’s totally awesome, and the reason I love Kamen
Rider encapsulated in a few brief seconds. Of course, Ichimonji has to get Hongô back for that earlier punch, and returns the
favor as he reminds the other Rider that he is, after all, “invincible.”
There’s some more Chiharu baloney. Kotomi finds all the dead people gone, so what does she do? She puts on some head
phones and watches the “Platinum Smile” video. For real. Bandage-faced girl appears from the mirror. At this point in the movie,
even Ouja appearing from the mirror would have been better. And I don't often say that.
The important stuff in the film continues when, in a highly convenient twist that in all honesty is completely welcome after all the
Chiharu silliness, the convoy carrying the nanobots, the Riders & bad guys crashes right into the restaurant, sending patrons
fleeing. There’s a neat moment right before where the Shocker Riders enter the scene, causing everyone to back off and make
tracks. With their secret base, not to mention entire plan, in jeopardy, Shocker rallies the troops for one last hurrah. Tons of
henchmen come out of the woodwork, and along with Scissors-Jaguar, Chainsaw-Lizard & the Shocker Riders, give even the
Double Riders a run for their money. They manage to just get by until Rider 2 feels the Rejection over take him, and starts spitting
up blood. He gets knocked around like a pinball between bumpers, and finally knocked right through a window by Chainsaw-
Lizard. Fortunately, Kazami had a change of heart, and V3 comes roaring up on the Hurricane, leaping into the air, saving Rider
2, and landing back in the restaurant, knocking surprised Shocker Riders left and right. The triple Riders are all together, fighting
side-by-side at last, and strike their classic battle stances before continuing the battle. During the ensuing fight, Chainsaw-Lizard
grabs the vials of nanobots (which were knocked out of Scissor-Jaguar’s hands earlier) and slices a hole in the floor, dropping
down into the secret base proper. V3 follows, and engages the reptilian villainess in a one-on-one. Despite V3 chopping off her
chainsaw arm, Chainsaw-Lizard uses her nanobot-infused powers to grow another one (!) so our hero takes more drastic means.
V3 Hanten Kick baby! Chainsaw-Lizard explodes, and the nanobot vials seem to burn with her. But the threat isn’t over yet, as
glowing DNA-strand-like tentacles attack V3.
Now, I wish I could tell you that there’s a great surprise twist here where we find out that the killer Chiharu was actually a suped-
up Ika-Fire (or even better, Ikadevil ) and he’s now making his appearance, and that Toei pulled a Ryuga and did everything in
their power to keep it a secret, and it’s totally awesome and you expect to see pictures next month.
Sadly, that’s not the case. It turns out to be the thing that was in the muck pit earlier: a very mutated Chiharu, who looks like
something out of “Resident Evil”, the last dungeon in “Final Fantasy VI”, or a hentai manga. Take your pick.
This unwelcome intrusion from the other movie is punctuated by the bandage-faced girl losing her bandages, and revealing that she
is also a mutated Chiharu, albeit a slightly different one. It’s her mutated ghost, or something. I dunno, but this one is uglier,
because she doesn’t have eyebrows, and that always looks creepy.
Back in the restaurant, the Double Riders brutally defeat the Shocker Riders. We’re talking backs being broken, arms being
exploded as they’re punched through, etc. Scissors-Jaguar almost manages to decapitate Rider 2 and causes Rider 1 to lose his
mask, but our heroes give him the trusty Rider Double Kick and follow it up with a Rider Double Punch, and the twisted villain
explodes spectacularly.
The mutant Chiharu, altered (apparently) by the nanobots which somehow kept her living even when she tried to kill herself,
attacks V3 and fills the room with fire. It’s a cool-looking scene, it’s just a shame it’s wasted on Chiharu (who has a decent make-
up job, I’ll admit, but couldn’t that money have been spent on something more worthwhile? Like an editor to cut out that Chiharu
parts of the movie… yeah, I really don’t like Chiharu by this point, as you can tell.) Anyway, Kotomi has another revelation or
something that the real message of “Platinum Smile” is that Chiharu wants to die, and while the mutant behind her acts all emo and
eventually disappears, the one with V3 begs him to kill her. With much hesitation, he absorbs the fire into his Double Typhoon
belt, and then a burning V3 delivers a burny punch to Chiharu’s ugly mug.
This whole scene is just about rescued by what comes next: V3, consigned to his death, falls to the ground, but the Double Riders
appear from behind. They each put a hand on his shoulder, and for a just a moment, you actually do sort of appreciate the
Chiharu subplot simply because of how it effects Kazami, who couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the killings or the “Ring”-rip-offing
or the other silliness; because he just lost his little sister. And if nothing else, that’s part of what drive Kazami Shirô, the character,
in any incarnation. The Triple Riders leap up through the roof and come crashing out of the building just as it explodes. As they
watch the flames die down, Ichimonji decides to take off. Hongô says that they will cross paths again, so Ichimonji tells him to
stop worrying about him. Hongô reaffirms their friendship in a nice little moment as the other Rider takes off, and then turns his
attention to Kazami.
“What will you do now?”
“I’ll go on living, like you have.”
In the foreground, the eyes on V3’s helmet (which Kazami removed and dropped right after the building exploded) glow green.
At some point later, Hongô talks with the assistant principal, who tries to inform him as politely as possible that with the students
all afraid of Hongô, maybe he should “take a little break”, which our hero reads as meaning he’s getting fired, although the
assistant principal tries to dismiss that idea. All the same, Hongô decides to make tracks, and on the way is approached by
Kotomi, who is back to her usual glum antics. But then she smiles and says “Let’s go together”, and grabs Hongô by the arm,
leading him off as the credits begin to roll.
The theme song… er, I’ll get to that later. At any rate, there’s a post-credits scene which really should have been a funny, light
moment, but is utterly ruined by the “OH NOEZ! NO 1’S SAFE AFTER ALL!” cliché, in which a man (who looks like an
unshaven Kaname Jun) playing pachinko (Kamen Rider pachinko, no less!) listens to “Platinum Smile” on his headphones, only to
be killed by Chiharu, who reaches up and pulls him down just as he gets lucky 7’s. Yeah, it’s pretty crappy, and I realized after
the fact that the people in the showing before me probably left during the credits, because this scene almost completely
undermines the whole point of the final showdown between Chiharu & V3, where he finally gave her the peace she sought by truly
destroying her, as she apparently couldn’t die because of the nanobots. Or something. I dunno. Had I directed it, I totally would
have had the dude look down, look up at the game, look down again, and then yelled "Rider Chop!" as he slices Chiharu's arm in
half. Trust me, it would've been better than what we got.
THE END… until the inevitable sequel.
As you can tell, Kamen Rider THE NEXT is a very mixed bag. If I had to sum it up in a sentence, it would be “Good if very
flawed fun”. Overall, the movie was enjoyable, and I would go see it again (and probably will, if only to pick up more theater-
exclusive stuff), but it is aggravating that a movie which gets so much right also manages to get so much wrong.
The main point of contention that I've been referring to over and over is the Chiharu sub plot: If I haven’t made it clear by now, I
really don’t like it. I’m not a huge horror fan and I really feel the “psychotic Japanese teenage girl as the monster” thing has been
done to death, but I can appreciate scary/gory bits if they serve the plot… which, in a lot of cases, they didn’t. Or rather, they
served one plot, if not the other. Basically, if you like J-Horror, you’ll probably love this part of the movie, and I admit, in a
different setting, it makes for a fairly effective and chilling story. A vengeful idol who kills people who listen to her song because it’
s not really her they’re fans of, but of the people who basically ruined her and have now undergone plastic surgery to become like
her? Okay, maybe it wouldn’t make a very good movie, but it works much better on its own than it does here, shoehorned into
the plot. Because in the end, the only real connections between this and the rest of the movie are the fact that Chiharu is Kazami’s
sister, Shocker’s nanobots are seemingly responsible for keeping her alive (but not, it seems, for making her a murderer), and
Kotomi has some stake involved since Chiharu is her friend. But beyond that, there ain’t much. Hongô doesn’t really care about
Chiharu once he knows Shocker’s up to no good, Ichimonji never even crosses over into that part of the plot, and Kazami, as I
said, is more concerned with the fact that his sister has been affected by Shocker’s machinations than anything she actually does.
In short, it would have been painfully easy to dump the whole murderous/ghost story plotline, and make Chiharu turn out to have
been the one who is turned into Chainsaw-Lizard. That automatically gives much more weight to the whole character, and the idea
of her spitefully killing people for jollies works much more because that’s completely in-character for a Shocker Kaijin, and they
stand to gain a hell of a lot more in murdering people at random than some ugly-ass ghost does. I don’t think I can describe how
many times I was waiting for the connection to come, and it didn’t. The opening scene has the eyes of the Chiharu posters getting
punched in— something Scissors-Jaguar not only could but would do. During the murders, a loud buzzing is heard— not unlike a
chainsaw. See, what they basically did is make us *think* that Shocker was responsible, and then "surprised" us by showing that
no, Shocker really doesn’t have anything to do with the killing this time. Except it makes no sense, and as a surprise twist it’s just
a crushing disappointment. I really dislike when this is done— so what if the audience can figure it out within the first few minutes,
it still makes for a better story. And not only that, if those grisly murders could be attributed to Shocker, it just makes them look
all that more evil. As it is, it really feels like their somewhat superfluous in the end, but in a sense all the Rider-related parts of the
film are, which is why it really seems like it needs to be viewed as two separate movies. In fact, when the film does come out on
DVD/download, I totally want to see someone do a “Phantom Edit”-style version that cuts out the Chiharu stuff, redubs a few
things (like the ending theme, oh dear) and generally makes a much tighter, faster, and more enjoyable movie. It's so amazingly
possible too. As it is, I already predict watching this one on DVD with a finger firmly on the fast-forward button, because the
Chiharu bits are interesting and even scary the first time, but once you know how useless they are to the overall story, they just
become set dressing. Again though, if you dig horror movies, you might eat this stuff up. If you can, you're luckier than I.
So far, this review’s been pretty negative, huh? Well, let’s get into what I did like about the movie, and I did like a lot. The parts
actually involving Hongô, Ichimonji, Kazami, Shocker, Kamen Riders, Kamen Riders fighting Shocker, and stuff blowing up in
general were all very good. You can see that a lot has been learned since 2005, and the action is in general more plentiful (there
seemed to be less actual fight scenes, but the ones we do get a pretty long), faster, and there’s quite a few pump-the-air
moments. The wirework which was so controversial the first time seemed a bit more subdued this time, apart from some of the
most outrageous bike stunts, although to be honest there weren’t any points where I thought “ I bet that was done with wires”, so
it was if nothing else well-hidden. All the fight scenes were quite good, and I’m really torn between the bike chase and the final
battle, both of which are worthy of going down as some of the best Rider fights in a long time.
The Riders themselves are handled well. Rider 1 & 2 are pretty much old hat; aside from the new costumes they’ve still got all the
old tricks from last time, which is as it should be. There’s even a nice new move during the final battle which can only be
described as a “Rider Backbreaker”. V3, considering this is his debut, is used a lot less than I expected. He does however get
plenty of action all the same. The V3 Hanten Kick looks as good as it ever did, and despite my loathing for all things Chiharu, the
final confrontation where V3 is covered in fire (ala the poster) looks pretty cool.
Actor/Character-wise, Kikawada & Takano slip back into the roles with ease. Even though Hongô plays “absent-minded
professor” for much of the early part of the movie, once he becomes Rider 1 we’re back to good ol’ grim and gritty Hongô,
although he’s much more proactive than he was last time. It’s also refreshing to see Ichimonji fairly gung-ho despite his worsening
state, and I’d venture to say he’s really the saving grace of the entire film; he features in the two best moments, gets plenty of good
lines, and even is treated with a bit of a tongue-in-cheek attitude (check out the scene where he goes to the hostess bar.) We
don’t get any more insight into the whole Katsuhiko thing, but just as well I suppose.
As for Kazami, he’s a bit hard to place. I think it’s understandable if I say he’s “Kamen Rider Drake minus the more eccentric
bits.” He doesn’t do anybody’s make-up, his clothes are fairly subdued, and apart from the wine bit he’s a pretty grounded
character. The arrogance/contempt that Daisuke sometimes displayed is on full-blast here. As for how he stacks up the original
Kazami, well, who can? Miyauchi is arguably a legend, and his lack of presence here is rather sorely felt. But as it is, Katô does a
decent job, and his eventual turn (which was a given any way you slice it) is handled about as well as it could be given the
situation. I was a bit bummd by the lack of any old Destron alumni (Senba Jôtarô, guys?), but then, I guess it wouldn’t make as
much sense since we’re still in Shocker territory. Naya Gorô’s voice-over cameo is welcome, although it’s surprising that he
doesn’t get to say more. I was surprised at how much digital Doctor Shinigami was used in THE FIRST, so this underuse of the
big boss seemed a bit odd.
And on the subject of Shocker, they rule once again in this film, considering how badly they're sidelined in parts of it. They’re sort
of channeling Shocker, Destron, and even a little of Gelshocker here and there, it all works quite well. I still don’t get the whole
standing-around-naked thing, but hey, they wanted to get their mileage out of that PG-12 rating I guess. Scissors-Jaguar is lots of
fun, and despite the fact that Tomorowo basically does a redux of FIRSTy’s Bat (i.e., a villain who is nuttier than a Snicker’s
Bar), it works, and he recaptures the villainy of the original version well. The scene where he decapitates a hapless office worker
is a perfect example of how you do a violent, terrible death right: we see the blades close in, we hear the sounds, and we see the
headless body fall to the ground, and that’s it. This instantly makes Scissors-Jaguar a far more scary character than any of the
Chiharu ghosts/mutants/whatever, because rather than shove a big glob or disemboweled organs down our throats, we’re left to
use our imaginations a bit more, and thus it comes across as even more horrific. Masahiko does a decent job, considering her
character (who, I’ll reiterate, really should have been the one killing everyone all along) is basically “sexy evil villainess”. She gets
plenty to do though, leading the Shocker Riders around, and the chainsaw arm is a great idea (I love how it says “SHOCKERS”
on the blade.) There’s something infinitely appealing about an unarmed hero having to go up against a nasty weapon like that with
nothing but their hands, feet, and their wits, and every time Chainsaw-Lizard pulls out her weapon and lets ‘er rip, I found myself
grinning from the sheer craziness of it all. The costumes for both Kaijin are pretty good, and truthfully Scissor-Jaguar’s mask in the
close-ups looks far creepier than any of the Chiharu make-up. Although I think it goes without saying by now: I hate Chiharu.
The Shocker Riders make their big return, and remain fairly true the originals. We don’t find out who they are, where they came
from, or any of that. Aside from the brief scene were we see them mask-less (and clothes-less, for that matter), and even that’s
out-of-focus. This is important, because the success of the Shocker Riders lies in the fact that we don’t get a back story with
them. They don’t pout around on a Photoshopped planet or anything. They’re simply put, evil Kamen Riders. Although in this film
they’re a bit more like extra-tough henchmen rather than the schemers from the original series, it is if anything true to their original
manga incarnation, where they were vicious as you can get. The bike chase really highlights their coolness, and the fact that one of
them loses a leg and keeps on tickin’ shows you just how badass they are. Overall, a good return, and the fact that they all look
the same makes them easier to keep track of since you don’t bother to keep track at all! In spite of this, I still found myself
subconsciously counting them.
As for the other characters, well, that’s where we get back to the bad bits. Ishida is okay as Kotomi, although the character isn’t
particularly deep, and I’m still somewhat bitter by the lack of a NEXTy Junko (although considering what happens to most of the
cast in this film, she’d probably just get killed or something.) But she fulfills her role well, and some of her scenes with Hongô are
genuinely sweet (although you wonder where the blazes Asuka went.) There’s the rest of the side characters, who are all pretty
forgettable, with Shindô being an especially troubling point. Never mind the fact that the technology used to turn those other girls
into Chiharu practically rivals anything Shocker’s got; Shimada is in a ton of other things but he always acts exactly the same: dour
and boring. When it comes to guest character casting, THE FIRST has this one beat. Yes, even with Der Wentz on board.
And then there’s Chiharu. Putting aside my dislike for the character, she’s played by Mori, who you might remember as Kamen
Rider Hibiki’s Hitomi. I’ve personally always felt that she was a weak link in the otherwise strong cast that show had, and her
character is the very definition of superfluous (especially later on) in the series. The Hibiki movie aside (where everybody is
automatically 1000% cooler), she’s far from my first choice for an idol people are supposed to go crazy over, and while her
performance in the movie is sound enough (with a veritable gamut of emotions), the fact that she kills people without a really clear
reason, and also looks ugly as ass under all that deformed makeup, does not engender much sympathy. Like I said, I felt sorrier
for Kazami because of what he had to do to her. In fact, I cannot relate how much I was waiting for Scissors-Jaguar to come
smashing through the ceiling during the final showdown, quip “What the hell is this, amateur night?” and stab her repeatedly. As it
should be. Have I mentioned I didn’t like Chiharu yet?
And that brings us to the miscellaneous bits. The cinematography of the film is quite good, using a moody, washed-out look. As
mentioned, the action scenes are well-handled, and despite my dislike for the plot involving them, the horror elements of the film
work. We get shaky-cam, we get quick cuts and jumps, and all that jazz. Whereas FIRSTy had been an “action love-story”,
NEXTy is undeniably an “action horror story”, and in that regards it does succeed… if only the action and horror could have been
in the same plot. The music, what little of it there seemed to be (really, I didn’t notice much) was good, and plenty of the familiar
themes from THE FIRST are reprised, including the pulse-pounding “Riders’ Action” during the bike chase. I love the soundtrack
from the first film, so this was a welcome addition. The lack of any clip of the classic TV theme was actually really disappointing; it
set the tone so much the first time around. I suppose, since THE FIRST was more of an anniversary/tribute movie, it makes sense
to just keep it there, but still… if you’re going to do a reimagining/tribute movie at all, might as well go the whole way!
As for the ending theme, ISSA’s “Chosen Soldier”… well, I have to say I’m going to have a lot of trouble deciding if I want to
buy the single or not. And the only reason I would buy it would be for the included NEXTy stickers. Compared to “Bright! our
Future”, which was a bit fluffy but fit the movie perfectly and I’d actually say I like quite a bit, this one just doesn’t really fit at all. I
like you ISSA, but this was not one of your better songs. Next time, make sure Ken & Yukinari are on board. Speaking of which,
while I’m not a Da Pump expert or anything, the lack of the other two says to me that either 1) Ken & Yukinari aren’t as
dedicated Rider fans as ISSA is, or more likely 2) Ken & Yukinari are a lot smarter than ISSA to not be involved in a song like
“Chosen Soldier”.
In the end, Kamen Rider THE NEXT will doubtless be a movie that inspires as much conversation as its predecessor. The
movie’s PG-12 rating, it’s increased violence and scare factor are topics worth conversing about, since this is the first time since
Shin Kamen Rider where a drastically more “adult” approach has been taken to Kamen Rider. As with that film, the final result is
mixed, although the cooler elements— in this case, everything where the people you’re seeing the movie for are on screen— do
save it in the end. I just wish that someone had took Inoue aside, brought up the fact that the Chiharu subplot has almost nothing
to do with anything, and locked him in a room until he rewrote it to work. While the Cobra/Snake subplot from the previous
movie divided fan opinion, at least to its credit it did attempt a rather ambitious idea, giving us the back story to two of the Kaijin
who are ultimately taken out by the Riders who never know who the people under the masks really were. While the ultimate
handling of that subplot was mixed, it looks positively Shakespearean compared to the fumbling, awkward way in which Chiharu's
is handled. Also, notice if you will: the human counterparts to Cobra & Snake made it into the trailers, got covered in the books
and magazines, and fans are always clamoring for more FIRSTy Kaijin toys. By contrast, the murderous antics and mutated form
of Chiharu were not covered at all in the trailers, the magazines made it look as though it was all part o a grand Shocker scheme,
and I seriously doubt anyone wants an ugly-as-sin mutated Chiharu in the next H.G.C.O.R.E. set. I know I don't.
Basically, if you changed some things about that subplot, or took it out completely, you could have one of the best Rider movies
yet. As it is though, Kamen Rider THE NEXT is a fun little romp, but one with many flaws that could stand to be corrected for
the inevitable sequel.
One thing that needs no correcting though: the utter awesomeness of Ichimonji kicking himself through the side of a truck. And
you can quote me on that.
it would come and go over the next 103 minutes, but by and large I must admit that Kamen Rider THE NEXT was a mixed bag,
even more so than its predecessor, which I generally liked. Part of the success of that was that I went in with almost no
expectations; after months of building them up, I came to the conclusion that the movie could never possibly meet them (and trust
me, they were pretty high) so as I result, I let them all go, and enjoyed the film for what it is. This time, it was a bit more difficult
since I knew what I liked in the first one, and hoped to see more of that this time around. And in some ways, that's exactly what
happened.
(Warning: What follows are MEGA SPOILERS for the entire movie. Having second thoughts about reading the spoiler-filled
version? Turn back now!)
Following the standard Toei logo (accompanied by some creepier-than-usual sounds) we open with a woman preparing dinner for
her shut-in son, pouring ridiculous amounts of mayonnaise on everything (it’s funny because it’s true.) Said son, who is way too
old to still be living at home, is locked in his room, which is covered wall-to-wall with posters and paraphernalia of Chiharu, a
popular idol with one hit to her name, but it’s one major hit: “Platinum Smile”, the video of which our fellow watches on his
computer. But suddenly, things start to get weird. The sound becomes warped and filled with background noise. Even when the
dude pulls his headphones out of the computer, it’s still messed up. Then the picture stutters and fuzzes. Then, on all the posters in
the guy’s room, Chiharu’s eyes vanish, punched in by some unseen force. And then the man becomes to spasm. Outside, his
mother is alerted by the volume of the song going way up, accompanied by buzzing and other weird noises. She goes to check on
him, and finds him gone, with splotches of blood all over the floor. She finds his glasses, sliced cleanly in half. And then the man
appears from a cabinet behind her, covered in blood, his face sliced up. He reaches out towards her before collapsing.
Chiharu (Mori Erika) finishes her song, and leaves a live event, besieged by screaming fans.
Cue the title. It’s nowhere near as exciting as in the last movie, no sample of the original Kamen Rider or V3 theme songs,
nothing— just the title up in the sky, and then the names of the cast over some shots of Tokyo at night, accompanied by strange
ghostly voices.
We’re told that it’s been 2 years since Hongô Takeshi & Ichimonji Hayato betrayed Shocker. Hongô (Kikawada Masaya) is
now a teacher at Jônan University. Well okay, Jônan University High School. No, it doesn’t make much sense, but trust me, it’s
stuff like this which you’ll appreciate later in the movie when you wonder where the hell Hongô even is. Anyway, he’s
attempting to teach a class of rowdy kids about the human genome and all that, and of course none of them could care less. All
the kids refer to him as “Takeshi”, and the girls all seem intent on shacking up with him. One of them, in what may very well be the
worst pick-up line ever, asks “Will you give me your genes?” and pulls her skirt up. I know. It's creepy.
Capital H wisely decides it’s a good time to book it, because here it comes in 3… 2… 1… horribly-acted bullying that happens in
every friggin’ high school scene in Japanese movies/TV! Seriously, can’t those kids just get along? The victim this time is Kikuma
Kotomi (Ishida Miku), who is like anti-social to the max. She tells the other girls to shove it and takes off. Hongô has a chat with
the assistant principal (Saitô Yosuke) who dishes out some life advice which proves pretty useless since he talks like he has no
teeth. Seriously, I consider my listening skills to be pretty good, but I had to really struggle to figure out what this guy was saying
half the time. Hongô just thinks about how much he wishes Miyauchi Hiroshi was in this movie while Kotomi takes off in a huff.
Chiharu gets signed up with Trister Promotions, where her manager Yamazaki (Rokkaku Shinji) tries to deter her nosy interviewer
from asking about the rumored curse that comes with “Platinum Single”: people who listen to it have been winding up dead. And
that ain’t good for sales now, is it? But Trister’s bigwig, Shindô (Shimada Kyuusaku) is confident that it’s all just some silly rumor.
Being a responsible teacher and all, Hongô goes to Kotomi’s apartment in hopes of getting her to open up about why she’s been
such a resentful little cretin. Because, in spite of that fact, she’s also like the only one in his class who isn’t doomed to spend the
rest of their life punching holes out of three ring binder files for a living, so he might as well try to save somebody, right? There’s
this really awkward scene around this point with a woman talking on her phone in some language I don’t recognize at all, maybe
when someone else sees the movie we’ll find out she’s actually giving away the ending this early on, but who knows. Kotomi is
just ticked off, and leaves in a huff (once again), although before this Hongô helps take out her trash and sees that she has several
magazines with Chiharu on the cover. He asks Kotomi if she’s a fan, but the other girl reacts coldly. Yes, even more coldly than
usual.
I should take a moment to explain some things here. First off, the events of the previous movie are referred to very vaguely here
and there, and the finer details— such as Asuka, if you’ve been wondering— are left out. I suppose we can assume that Hongô &
Asuka parted ways, but it’s not really important to the story (at least until you realize a major part of the Hongô/Ichimonji dynamic
revolved around Asuka, but hey— it is an Inoue script, remember.) Second, a lot of stuff happens in a fairly short span of time in
this thing, and I’m writing this all from memory and few quick notes I jotted down after leaving the theater, so some events may be
slightly out of sequence. And third, despite how much it may seem to the contrary, this is all going somewhere eventually, so sit
tight and read on.
Finally, Shocker enters the picture! Scissors-Jaguar (Tomorowo Taguchi), in human form, gets driven up to some fancy restaurant
(it was either Gathering of the something-or-other or something of the Gathering, I forget.) He enters and, unnoticed by all,
disappears into a creepy painting that looks like “The Last Supper” with the Shocker emblem on it. So yes, Shocker’s secret base
this time is under a restaurant. If that wasn’t nutty enough, we’ve got another indication of the film’s PG-12 rating coming up, as
our feline friend looks down on the cool Shocker control room, with a nifty holographic globe and… Chainsaw-Lizard & the
Shocker Riders all standing around buck-naked aside from their masks. I can’t explain this bit at all, other than to guess that
maybe they’re all fresh off the operating table, but still. Fortunately, we’re spared anything really explicit (and by really explicit I
mean “Shocker Rider Arse”.) I dunno, I don’t mind having nudity in Kamen Rider when there’s obvious artistic or story value, but
the lack of an explanation here (echoed in the fully-dressed Scissors-Jaguar literally looking like “Oh jeez, did I come in at a bad
time?”) makes it just an extremely odd moment. Thankfully, this is dispelled by the Shocker Leader (Naya Gorô!) making a
welcome voice-over cameo, explaining the basics in case you somehow haven’t figured out that Shocker is evil and wants to take
over the world because, hey, wouldn’t you? It’s a nice little bit, although you have to feel for poor Naya when he watches the
movie now and sees that all that time, he was really talking to a bunch of naked guys.
In a dark, slimy pit somewhere, a tentacle is seen slinking along the surface, and an arm rises from the water…
Somewhere around this point, this guy who Kotomi knows gets murdered in a similar fashion to the dude at the beginning of the
movie, although this time he’s in his car and we see who the killer is— a creepy girl with a bandaged face and signs of horrible
scarring around her eye. Yeah, I’m not going to lie to you— the “horror” element of this movie that was so touted in the pre-
release materials is inspired by (i.e. rips off) Japanese horror movies like “Ring”, and it does it pretty shamelessly. Now, this
wouldn’t be a problem but for one major issue, which I’ll get to later. That said, these scenes are pretty creepy and well-executed
in their own right, and some of the shots here, including the long-shot of the victim literally exploding into a ploom of blood and
then a brief through-the-window shot of what’s left are downright chilling. Anyway, Kotomi comes across the remains of the poor
fellow, and fortunately for her, Hongô shows up before anything else nasty can happen. I like how our hero also takes the horrific
death in stride— he’s more concerned about the fact that there’s a dead guy at all, rather than that the guy died an extremely
gruesome death. It just seems very true to Kamen Rider in general, were people have been killed by such terrible means as
drowning on land and being thrown through space-time portals… just because!
Hongô takes Kotomi back to her apartment (how he got in is a mystery best left unsolved) and we learn a few things. For starters,
the dude who was killed was the president of Chiharu’s fan club. He was watching the “Platinum Smile” video at the time of his
death. We learn a bit more about Kotomi, including that her parents are divorced (this causes Hongô to shed a tear! Hit close to
home?) And, as our hero observes from a photo, she used to be good friends with Chiharu! So what happened? She got a
mysterious final phone call in which her friend seemed determined to kill herself, and then… nothing. Of course, Chiharu’s still
around, right? Kotomi wants to figure out what happened, and Hongô’s interested in helping out, but remember, this is Kotomi, so
she shoots him down and storms off in a huff. She's good at that.
Yamazaki drops Chiharu off at her own apartment, and after a bath the idol is doing up her hair when she receives a very
unwelcome visit from the mysterious bandage-faced girl, who drops to the ground and starts acting like the jerky “Sadako”-
knockoff that she is. She attacks Chiharu, who freaks out and runs to the roof. She begins to have some sort of a panic attack,
and remembers being on an operating table, undergoing plastic surgery on her face. Kotomi is poking around outside, and Hongô
shows up not long afterwards on the Cyclone, just in case you were wondering where it’s been. Just as they’re about to go find
Chiharu, the said girl comes plummeting down from the roof, and we see that her face is covered in slashes, just like the other
victims. Then, in a really bizarre moment that I’ll need to see the movie over again to fully understand, a hologram of Chiharu’s
unscarred face appears over the dead girl’s, saying “I’m not Chiharu” over and over. Huh?
Now, if you’re anything like me, you’re probably thinking one thing right now: “Where’s Rider 1 to come kick this stupid bandage-
faced dork in the face so we can get on with the proper action?” I wish it were that simple. Still, we do get some proper action
right now as a strange woman (Masahiko Rie) in a tight leather suit and boots that must hurt like hell shows up and, guess what?
She’s really Chainsaw-Lizard! Lizzie puts on her mask and summons her six Shocker Rider buddies to the fight, and suddenly,
Hongô finds himself in a bit of a tight spot. The ersatz Riders proceed to beat up on our hero, and Chainsaw-Lizard lives up to her
name by pulling out a big honkin’ chainsaw! Fortunately, before he can lose his head or anything else, Hongô reveals his Henshin
Belt and suits up in a really neat transformation sequence. It’s not the full-blown “Rider…Henshin!”, but it’s pretty cool, and
there’s jumping. And jumping’s good.
It’s smackdown time, finally, and in the ensuing melee our outmatched hero manages to make Chainsaw-Lizard accidentally slice
off one of the Shocker Riders’ legs! Rider 1 then makes a tactical retreat on the Cyclone. Naturally, Kotomi sees the whole thing,
and suddenly realizes that maybe Hongô's not such a dork after all.
Somewhere along the line, we finally get a scene with Ichimonji. It’s not much, but we basically get a sense of what he’s been
doing the past two years— dressing up like a fruitloop, going to hostess bars and putting other Ladies’ Men Riders like Daisuke
to shame (ironic considering who plays V3 in this movie), and then retreating to the bathroom to grimace and groan as the
Rejection continues to spread throughout his body. You see, Ichimonji’s dying. Unlike Hongô, who apparently got the better deal
out of becoming a cyborg, our identity-challenged hero is living on borrowed time. So he’s doing what anyone would do—
drinking a lot and trying to score as many dates as possible!
There’s some more hijinks at school the next day when those badly-acted “bullies” attempt to kidnap Kotomi or something. I’m
not really sure, it’s another odd scene that requires a second showing to fully comprehend. Maybe they just wanted to go
somewhere and admit their undying love for her or something (remember, this review is rated PG-12 as well.) Fortunately, now
that he’s remembered he’s Kamen freakin’ Rider 1 (you really would think otherwise prior to that fight scene), Hongô takes a
new hands-on approach to discipline at school, and causes a little property damage as he prevents the student body from getting
out of control. This scene is utterly brilliant, I defy you to not crack up as Hongô takes the tire from a motorcycle he stopped cold
and calmly hands it to a dude (who is absolutely 100% sure that he’s going to die in 3 seconds) with a look that says “You do that
again and I’m calling your parents, Tanaka!”
Meanwhile, a new girl is met by Shindô and Yamazaki. Shindô informs her that she will become Chiharu now. Yamazaki is
surprised and then rather horrified to learn that the girl will undergo plastic surgery to make her look exactly like Chiharu. And it
seems she isn’t the first one to go through such a process… The surgery (performed by a rather shifty looking bunch) goes down
well, and Chiharu lives once again…
Thanks to his little demonstration, every kid in the school is scared @#$%less of Hongô, and Kotomi, now armed with an actual
sense of respect for her science teacher, decides to ask him to help her sort out this whole Chiharu mess. Considering it’s the only
way he’s going to be able to get from the movie where he’s a quirky science teacher running around while people are being
murdered gruesomely back into the movie where he’s a super hero fighting those Shocker guys, he agrees.
They decide to seek out Chiharu’s older brother, Shirô, president of the IT corporation ExStream, which had a notable accident
not too long ago where everyone in the company just up and vanished. So much for ExStream! They head out to the country and
arrive at the home of Shirô, whose last name is Kazami. Yeah, you know where this is going.
We are introduced to Kazami (Katô Kazuki) as he pours some vintage wine, and shushes Hongô & Kotomi, explaining that
they’re destroying the natural grace of the wine by talking or some baloney. Kotomi gets ticked off and starts asking him about
Chiharu, but he acts fairly confident that Chiharu is just fine and she’s nuts. Just when it seems things can’t get any worse,
Chainsaw-Lizard drops in, makes some innuendo-laced quips, and hey— guess who she brought along? The Shocker Riders
ambush Hongô and he’s thrown right out of the building, transforming en route. Outnumbered by the evil Riders and chainsaw-
wielding maniac, things go from really bad to even worse when Kazami transforms into the third version of the Hopper cyborg—
Kamen Rider V3! He punches Rider 1 away effortlessly, and our hero can only run, because he’s hopelessly overpowered up
against all these bad guys. Taking off on the Cyclone, he is pursued by the Shocker Riders on their own Shocker bikes.
Motorcycle chase!
Smashing through a “Do Not Enter” sign, Rider 1 makes his way into a wide open field where the Shocker Riders begin hurling
explosive darts (in a nice nod to their hand blasts in the original series.) With help from slow-motion and some wires, Rider 1
knocks the Shocker Riders off their bikes, but is himself taken right off by a swipe from Chainsaw-Lizard, and then knocked
down by V3 on his Hurricane driving right into the other Rider’s face! The Shocker Riders surround the fallen hero (in another
nod to the past; note the poses they take here) and things are looking pretty bad for our hero. But wait, what’s that sound? Who’s
that approaching blurry figure on the bike there? Who else?
Rider 2 roars up and flips off his bike, kicking people in the face like it was going out of style. This is probably the second best
moment in the movie (the first one’s coming up later), because it is classic Ridr-2-saving-Rider-1’s-bacon action. Our heroes
manage to get away, leaving the Shocker hordes in the dust.
Hongô tries to thank Rider 2, but the latter, feeling weak from the Rejection, can utter no reply, and simply keeps on driving. The
Double Riders have been united, if only so briefly…
There’s probably something involving Chiharu around this point, but to be honest with you, this particular subplot really begins to
wear out its welcome when it becomes apparent what’s actually going on. Again, more on that later (I'm trying like hell to put off
going on about it, because it's pretty major.)
Kazami takes a shower whilst Chiharu’s music video plays on a TV in the background. Kotomi’s words about Chiharu apparently
had some effect, as he begins to wonder about his little sister, whom he hasn’t seen in some time. You couldn’t have picked an
odder time to have that revelation, Kaz.
So he goes to see Chiharu, and gives her a watch as a present. But her reaction tells him that, despite how she appears, she’s not
his sister. So now he goes to see Hongô & Kotomi (who are quickly turning into some kind of double act, as you can tell.) He
wants to know what they know about Chiharu, but Hongô insists that he tell them what his deal is. Like, why he’s working for
Shocker, who are (drum roll) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVIL!
Kazami relates the day when Shocker chose him— the last day he saw Chiharu as well. In an extended flashback, we see how
Shocker (in broad daylight) introduced deadly nanobots into the ventilation system of Kazami’s company. Chiharu was visiting at
the time, but felt ill and took her leave before a ton of guys in gas masks and biohazard suits came rushing in, led by Scissors-
Jaguar. As a timer ticks down, Shocker feeds the frightened staff some bogus story about this just being a routine life-threatening
evil organization plan (you know, regular day in Tokyo.) One guy is foolish enough to ask to be let out to tell his wife he loves her
or somethin’, and Scissors-Jaguar obliges. Then puts on his own grisly Jaguar mask, and sharpens his scissor blade hands.
One decapitated guy later, the countdown reaches zero and the nanobots attack, graphically killing everyone but Kazami & his
secretary (who I’m pretty sure is later Chainsaw-Lizard.) Seeing that they are the only worthy ones, Shocker presents them with
the rose bouquets, and the rest is history. Like Ichimonji in the first movie, Kazami feels empowered by his newfound cybernetic
powers and is apparently blind to Shocker’s true purpose. This would seem to lend credibility to the idea that they don’t actually
brainwash everyone who gets turned into a cyborg. Maybe use some subtle mental influence to bring out their inner badness, but it
would seem that guys like Scissors-Jaguar (and Spider & Bat in the last movie) really are just rotten people, and Ichimonji &
Kazami were easily manipulated, unlike the more stalwart (and at times, borderline socially-inept) Hongô. Kazami ends his story
by punching Hongô in the chest and sending him flying; get used to this, it’s gonna happen a LOT in the next hour.
Chiharu is at a photo shoot when she suddenly suffers a panic attack and has a breakdown, begging to “have her face returned”
Yamazaki takes her away, trying to pass it off as a random illness.
Ichimonji, stumbling along in a tunnel, comes face-to-face with Hongô at last. As it turns out, the Riders haven’t seen each other in
2 years, and despite Ichimonji not wanting to open up as usual, Hongô convinces him to go to a bar and have a drink (Hongô
drinks milk!) Kazami shows up to interrupt things and taunt the traitors, to which Ichimonji responds quite unfavorably. The best
part about this scene is the bartender is standing there the whole time while these guys grab each other by the throat and threaten
to destroy each other, and he acts like it’s just another day at the grind. Before the Rider Threats get too far though, Hongô gets a
call from Kotomi. She’s located Chiharu, who is not at all well.
Hongô, Kazami & Kotomi meet with Chiharu, who is still freaking out (Ichimonji wisely chooses to stay out of this subplot
completely, and by the end of the movie you won’t blame him.) It is deduced once again that she’s not the real Chiharu, and she
confesses the truth. She, and the other Chiharu who was murdered earlier in the movie, are in fact rival singers who underwent
plastic surgery (under Shindô’s orders) to become Chiharu after they… kinda killed her. Well sorta, but not quite. Kazami still has
the watch he had meant to give to her, and when Kotomi takes it, she experiences a flashback/psychic vision/something. Around
the same time that Kazami’s company was attacked and he was chosen to become V3, Chiharu was at an audition or something
where the other two girls, seeking to take their rival out of the running, decided to push her down a flight of stairs. The opportunity
arose when Chiharu was conveniently standing around on a flight of stairs, gurning and doing “pained reaction acting” as she felt
the nanobots she had been infected with earlier begin to decay her flesh. The other girls push her down the stairs, and in what is
arguably the movie’s most ridiculous scene, she goes face-first into a switchbox, getting electrocuted and horribly disfigured.
Kazami believes now that those girls killed Chiharu, but it’s worse than that: she survived, albeit now deformed on one side of her
face. Logical consensus says that she should have just moved to Gotham City and become a super-villain or something and it
would be all cool, but no, she tries to continue with her career. But seriously, who wants to see her ugly mug, right? So she walks
around with bandages on her face (hint hint), eventually deciding she can’t take it anymore and kills herself, calling Kotomi one last
time and leaving the watch to be given to her brother. So that’s how Kazami knew Chiharu wasn’t Chiharu— he was giving her
the same watch she used to own!
Kazami theorizes that Chiharu is somehow trying to communicate from beyond the grave, and also casually adds in that Shocker
is planning to turn all of Japan into cyborgs with the nanobots tomorrow morning or something (guess who takes that news well?)
The fake Chiharu freaks out some more and runs off, and Kotomi follows. Kazami seems torn over what to do: keep pursuing this
incredibly contrived and cheesy horror plot, or join Hongô in kicking ass and delivering the Rider goods. The resolution will
involve a little of both, but this really is about the point where Kamen Rider THE NEXT becomes two completely separate
movies, with the Chiharu subplot interrupting the otherwise awesome Riders vs. Shocker plot. Hold onto your seats, it’s going to
be a bumpy ride from here on out.
Hongô, who seems pretty tired of this whole Chiharu business (like the audience, he’s trying hard not to laugh about the
electrocution scene) is determined to stop Shocker, with or without Kazami’s help. As he drives towards Shocker’s not-so-secret
loading dock, Ichimonji shows up and offers his help, but Hongô suddenly punches him (again with the punching!) and reveals that
the Rejection has overtaken Ichimonji’s body even more. Not wanting to let Ichimonji just throw his life away, Hongô goes it
alone, leaving the other man laying flat on the pavement.
Back in that mucky place from like an hour ago or whenever, someone, or something, has lurched its way out and is crawling
along a ventilation shaft…
Scissors-Jaguar oversees the loading of the nanobots onto a Shocker-approved truck whilst the goons drive around, popping
wheelies and generally looking cool. But the evil master plan is suddenly put on hold as things begin exploding randomly, and
Hongô pulls up on the Cyclone, transforming into Rider 1. He takes out the driver of Jaguar’s car, so the catty guy leaps atop the
truck, suiting up. Rider 1 also jumps onto the back of the truck, and engages the Kaijin & henchmen in combat.
Kotomi goes to the Trister offices and tries to get Shindô to let her see Chiharu. There’s a lot of yelling and then some creepy stuff
as the bandage-faced girl appears in Chiharu’s room, but to be perfectly honest these parts are just getting obtrusive and
monotonous (especially since we’re in the middle of the fight scene) so to make a long story short Shindô, Yamazaki & the fake
Chiharu all die in a bloody mess like the useless side characters that they are. It really is pretty crappy, and made all the worse by
the fact that, as you’ve probably guessed, the real killer herself is none other than the original Chiharu, or her ghost, or something.
It’s not really clear, but it’s so disappointing because I was absolutely sure it was going to turn out to be either Scissors-Jaguar or
Chainsaw-Lizard. Y’know, since their whole thing involves stabbing/slicing/dicing people, and it makes perfect sense for them to
attempt an evil scheme using pop music? Hey, worked for Gorgom. Anyway…
Back in the other movie, Rider 1 fights as hard as he can, but he’s still getting overwhelmed. Considering his enemies in this film
have been Shocker Riders, a crazy lady with a chainsaw for an arm and Hasami-Jaguar 2.0 himself, I can’t blame him.
Fortunately, Ichimonji shows up and in the absolute coolest moment in the movie, and possibly one of the top moments in the
past decade of Kamen Rider, he jumps off of his bike, kicks himself through the side of a truck, knocking it over and pulling his
bike along with him. The truck spins out of control and explodes, and Rider 2 comes roaring out of the explosion on the Cyclone
2, and we’re treated to a slow-motion take as he roars towards the camera. It’s totally awesome, and the reason I love Kamen
Rider encapsulated in a few brief seconds. Of course, Ichimonji has to get Hongô back for that earlier punch, and returns the
favor as he reminds the other Rider that he is, after all, “invincible.”
There’s some more Chiharu baloney. Kotomi finds all the dead people gone, so what does she do? She puts on some head
phones and watches the “Platinum Smile” video. For real. Bandage-faced girl appears from the mirror. At this point in the movie,
even Ouja appearing from the mirror would have been better. And I don't often say that.
The important stuff in the film continues when, in a highly convenient twist that in all honesty is completely welcome after all the
Chiharu silliness, the convoy carrying the nanobots, the Riders & bad guys crashes right into the restaurant, sending patrons
fleeing. There’s a neat moment right before where the Shocker Riders enter the scene, causing everyone to back off and make
tracks. With their secret base, not to mention entire plan, in jeopardy, Shocker rallies the troops for one last hurrah. Tons of
henchmen come out of the woodwork, and along with Scissors-Jaguar, Chainsaw-Lizard & the Shocker Riders, give even the
Double Riders a run for their money. They manage to just get by until Rider 2 feels the Rejection over take him, and starts spitting
up blood. He gets knocked around like a pinball between bumpers, and finally knocked right through a window by Chainsaw-
Lizard. Fortunately, Kazami had a change of heart, and V3 comes roaring up on the Hurricane, leaping into the air, saving Rider
2, and landing back in the restaurant, knocking surprised Shocker Riders left and right. The triple Riders are all together, fighting
side-by-side at last, and strike their classic battle stances before continuing the battle. During the ensuing fight, Chainsaw-Lizard
grabs the vials of nanobots (which were knocked out of Scissor-Jaguar’s hands earlier) and slices a hole in the floor, dropping
down into the secret base proper. V3 follows, and engages the reptilian villainess in a one-on-one. Despite V3 chopping off her
chainsaw arm, Chainsaw-Lizard uses her nanobot-infused powers to grow another one (!) so our hero takes more drastic means.
V3 Hanten Kick baby! Chainsaw-Lizard explodes, and the nanobot vials seem to burn with her. But the threat isn’t over yet, as
glowing DNA-strand-like tentacles attack V3.
Now, I wish I could tell you that there’s a great surprise twist here where we find out that the killer Chiharu was actually a suped-
up Ika-Fire (or even better, Ikadevil ) and he’s now making his appearance, and that Toei pulled a Ryuga and did everything in
their power to keep it a secret, and it’s totally awesome and you expect to see pictures next month.
Sadly, that’s not the case. It turns out to be the thing that was in the muck pit earlier: a very mutated Chiharu, who looks like
something out of “Resident Evil”, the last dungeon in “Final Fantasy VI”, or a hentai manga. Take your pick.
This unwelcome intrusion from the other movie is punctuated by the bandage-faced girl losing her bandages, and revealing that she
is also a mutated Chiharu, albeit a slightly different one. It’s her mutated ghost, or something. I dunno, but this one is uglier,
because she doesn’t have eyebrows, and that always looks creepy.
Back in the restaurant, the Double Riders brutally defeat the Shocker Riders. We’re talking backs being broken, arms being
exploded as they’re punched through, etc. Scissors-Jaguar almost manages to decapitate Rider 2 and causes Rider 1 to lose his
mask, but our heroes give him the trusty Rider Double Kick and follow it up with a Rider Double Punch, and the twisted villain
explodes spectacularly.
The mutant Chiharu, altered (apparently) by the nanobots which somehow kept her living even when she tried to kill herself,
attacks V3 and fills the room with fire. It’s a cool-looking scene, it’s just a shame it’s wasted on Chiharu (who has a decent make-
up job, I’ll admit, but couldn’t that money have been spent on something more worthwhile? Like an editor to cut out that Chiharu
parts of the movie… yeah, I really don’t like Chiharu by this point, as you can tell.) Anyway, Kotomi has another revelation or
something that the real message of “Platinum Smile” is that Chiharu wants to die, and while the mutant behind her acts all emo and
eventually disappears, the one with V3 begs him to kill her. With much hesitation, he absorbs the fire into his Double Typhoon
belt, and then a burning V3 delivers a burny punch to Chiharu’s ugly mug.
This whole scene is just about rescued by what comes next: V3, consigned to his death, falls to the ground, but the Double Riders
appear from behind. They each put a hand on his shoulder, and for a just a moment, you actually do sort of appreciate the
Chiharu subplot simply because of how it effects Kazami, who couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the killings or the “Ring”-rip-offing
or the other silliness; because he just lost his little sister. And if nothing else, that’s part of what drive Kazami Shirô, the character,
in any incarnation. The Triple Riders leap up through the roof and come crashing out of the building just as it explodes. As they
watch the flames die down, Ichimonji decides to take off. Hongô says that they will cross paths again, so Ichimonji tells him to
stop worrying about him. Hongô reaffirms their friendship in a nice little moment as the other Rider takes off, and then turns his
attention to Kazami.
“What will you do now?”
“I’ll go on living, like you have.”
In the foreground, the eyes on V3’s helmet (which Kazami removed and dropped right after the building exploded) glow green.
At some point later, Hongô talks with the assistant principal, who tries to inform him as politely as possible that with the students
all afraid of Hongô, maybe he should “take a little break”, which our hero reads as meaning he’s getting fired, although the
assistant principal tries to dismiss that idea. All the same, Hongô decides to make tracks, and on the way is approached by
Kotomi, who is back to her usual glum antics. But then she smiles and says “Let’s go together”, and grabs Hongô by the arm,
leading him off as the credits begin to roll.
The theme song… er, I’ll get to that later. At any rate, there’s a post-credits scene which really should have been a funny, light
moment, but is utterly ruined by the “OH NOEZ! NO 1’S SAFE AFTER ALL!” cliché, in which a man (who looks like an
unshaven Kaname Jun) playing pachinko (Kamen Rider pachinko, no less!) listens to “Platinum Smile” on his headphones, only to
be killed by Chiharu, who reaches up and pulls him down just as he gets lucky 7’s. Yeah, it’s pretty crappy, and I realized after
the fact that the people in the showing before me probably left during the credits, because this scene almost completely
undermines the whole point of the final showdown between Chiharu & V3, where he finally gave her the peace she sought by truly
destroying her, as she apparently couldn’t die because of the nanobots. Or something. I dunno. Had I directed it, I totally would
have had the dude look down, look up at the game, look down again, and then yelled "Rider Chop!" as he slices Chiharu's arm in
half. Trust me, it would've been better than what we got.
THE END… until the inevitable sequel.
As you can tell, Kamen Rider THE NEXT is a very mixed bag. If I had to sum it up in a sentence, it would be “Good if very
flawed fun”. Overall, the movie was enjoyable, and I would go see it again (and probably will, if only to pick up more theater-
exclusive stuff), but it is aggravating that a movie which gets so much right also manages to get so much wrong.
The main point of contention that I've been referring to over and over is the Chiharu sub plot: If I haven’t made it clear by now, I
really don’t like it. I’m not a huge horror fan and I really feel the “psychotic Japanese teenage girl as the monster” thing has been
done to death, but I can appreciate scary/gory bits if they serve the plot… which, in a lot of cases, they didn’t. Or rather, they
served one plot, if not the other. Basically, if you like J-Horror, you’ll probably love this part of the movie, and I admit, in a
different setting, it makes for a fairly effective and chilling story. A vengeful idol who kills people who listen to her song because it’
s not really her they’re fans of, but of the people who basically ruined her and have now undergone plastic surgery to become like
her? Okay, maybe it wouldn’t make a very good movie, but it works much better on its own than it does here, shoehorned into
the plot. Because in the end, the only real connections between this and the rest of the movie are the fact that Chiharu is Kazami’s
sister, Shocker’s nanobots are seemingly responsible for keeping her alive (but not, it seems, for making her a murderer), and
Kotomi has some stake involved since Chiharu is her friend. But beyond that, there ain’t much. Hongô doesn’t really care about
Chiharu once he knows Shocker’s up to no good, Ichimonji never even crosses over into that part of the plot, and Kazami, as I
said, is more concerned with the fact that his sister has been affected by Shocker’s machinations than anything she actually does.
In short, it would have been painfully easy to dump the whole murderous/ghost story plotline, and make Chiharu turn out to have
been the one who is turned into Chainsaw-Lizard. That automatically gives much more weight to the whole character, and the idea
of her spitefully killing people for jollies works much more because that’s completely in-character for a Shocker Kaijin, and they
stand to gain a hell of a lot more in murdering people at random than some ugly-ass ghost does. I don’t think I can describe how
many times I was waiting for the connection to come, and it didn’t. The opening scene has the eyes of the Chiharu posters getting
punched in— something Scissors-Jaguar not only could but would do. During the murders, a loud buzzing is heard— not unlike a
chainsaw. See, what they basically did is make us *think* that Shocker was responsible, and then "surprised" us by showing that
no, Shocker really doesn’t have anything to do with the killing this time. Except it makes no sense, and as a surprise twist it’s just
a crushing disappointment. I really dislike when this is done— so what if the audience can figure it out within the first few minutes,
it still makes for a better story. And not only that, if those grisly murders could be attributed to Shocker, it just makes them look
all that more evil. As it is, it really feels like their somewhat superfluous in the end, but in a sense all the Rider-related parts of the
film are, which is why it really seems like it needs to be viewed as two separate movies. In fact, when the film does come out on
DVD/download, I totally want to see someone do a “Phantom Edit”-style version that cuts out the Chiharu stuff, redubs a few
things (like the ending theme, oh dear) and generally makes a much tighter, faster, and more enjoyable movie. It's so amazingly
possible too. As it is, I already predict watching this one on DVD with a finger firmly on the fast-forward button, because the
Chiharu bits are interesting and even scary the first time, but once you know how useless they are to the overall story, they just
become set dressing. Again though, if you dig horror movies, you might eat this stuff up. If you can, you're luckier than I.
So far, this review’s been pretty negative, huh? Well, let’s get into what I did like about the movie, and I did like a lot. The parts
actually involving Hongô, Ichimonji, Kazami, Shocker, Kamen Riders, Kamen Riders fighting Shocker, and stuff blowing up in
general were all very good. You can see that a lot has been learned since 2005, and the action is in general more plentiful (there
seemed to be less actual fight scenes, but the ones we do get a pretty long), faster, and there’s quite a few pump-the-air
moments. The wirework which was so controversial the first time seemed a bit more subdued this time, apart from some of the
most outrageous bike stunts, although to be honest there weren’t any points where I thought “ I bet that was done with wires”, so
it was if nothing else well-hidden. All the fight scenes were quite good, and I’m really torn between the bike chase and the final
battle, both of which are worthy of going down as some of the best Rider fights in a long time.
The Riders themselves are handled well. Rider 1 & 2 are pretty much old hat; aside from the new costumes they’ve still got all the
old tricks from last time, which is as it should be. There’s even a nice new move during the final battle which can only be
described as a “Rider Backbreaker”. V3, considering this is his debut, is used a lot less than I expected. He does however get
plenty of action all the same. The V3 Hanten Kick looks as good as it ever did, and despite my loathing for all things Chiharu, the
final confrontation where V3 is covered in fire (ala the poster) looks pretty cool.
Actor/Character-wise, Kikawada & Takano slip back into the roles with ease. Even though Hongô plays “absent-minded
professor” for much of the early part of the movie, once he becomes Rider 1 we’re back to good ol’ grim and gritty Hongô,
although he’s much more proactive than he was last time. It’s also refreshing to see Ichimonji fairly gung-ho despite his worsening
state, and I’d venture to say he’s really the saving grace of the entire film; he features in the two best moments, gets plenty of good
lines, and even is treated with a bit of a tongue-in-cheek attitude (check out the scene where he goes to the hostess bar.) We
don’t get any more insight into the whole Katsuhiko thing, but just as well I suppose.
As for Kazami, he’s a bit hard to place. I think it’s understandable if I say he’s “Kamen Rider Drake minus the more eccentric
bits.” He doesn’t do anybody’s make-up, his clothes are fairly subdued, and apart from the wine bit he’s a pretty grounded
character. The arrogance/contempt that Daisuke sometimes displayed is on full-blast here. As for how he stacks up the original
Kazami, well, who can? Miyauchi is arguably a legend, and his lack of presence here is rather sorely felt. But as it is, Katô does a
decent job, and his eventual turn (which was a given any way you slice it) is handled about as well as it could be given the
situation. I was a bit bummd by the lack of any old Destron alumni (Senba Jôtarô, guys?), but then, I guess it wouldn’t make as
much sense since we’re still in Shocker territory. Naya Gorô’s voice-over cameo is welcome, although it’s surprising that he
doesn’t get to say more. I was surprised at how much digital Doctor Shinigami was used in THE FIRST, so this underuse of the
big boss seemed a bit odd.
And on the subject of Shocker, they rule once again in this film, considering how badly they're sidelined in parts of it. They’re sort
of channeling Shocker, Destron, and even a little of Gelshocker here and there, it all works quite well. I still don’t get the whole
standing-around-naked thing, but hey, they wanted to get their mileage out of that PG-12 rating I guess. Scissors-Jaguar is lots of
fun, and despite the fact that Tomorowo basically does a redux of FIRSTy’s Bat (i.e., a villain who is nuttier than a Snicker’s
Bar), it works, and he recaptures the villainy of the original version well. The scene where he decapitates a hapless office worker
is a perfect example of how you do a violent, terrible death right: we see the blades close in, we hear the sounds, and we see the
headless body fall to the ground, and that’s it. This instantly makes Scissors-Jaguar a far more scary character than any of the
Chiharu ghosts/mutants/whatever, because rather than shove a big glob or disemboweled organs down our throats, we’re left to
use our imaginations a bit more, and thus it comes across as even more horrific. Masahiko does a decent job, considering her
character (who, I’ll reiterate, really should have been the one killing everyone all along) is basically “sexy evil villainess”. She gets
plenty to do though, leading the Shocker Riders around, and the chainsaw arm is a great idea (I love how it says “SHOCKERS”
on the blade.) There’s something infinitely appealing about an unarmed hero having to go up against a nasty weapon like that with
nothing but their hands, feet, and their wits, and every time Chainsaw-Lizard pulls out her weapon and lets ‘er rip, I found myself
grinning from the sheer craziness of it all. The costumes for both Kaijin are pretty good, and truthfully Scissor-Jaguar’s mask in the
close-ups looks far creepier than any of the Chiharu make-up. Although I think it goes without saying by now: I hate Chiharu.
The Shocker Riders make their big return, and remain fairly true the originals. We don’t find out who they are, where they came
from, or any of that. Aside from the brief scene were we see them mask-less (and clothes-less, for that matter), and even that’s
out-of-focus. This is important, because the success of the Shocker Riders lies in the fact that we don’t get a back story with
them. They don’t pout around on a Photoshopped planet or anything. They’re simply put, evil Kamen Riders. Although in this film
they’re a bit more like extra-tough henchmen rather than the schemers from the original series, it is if anything true to their original
manga incarnation, where they were vicious as you can get. The bike chase really highlights their coolness, and the fact that one of
them loses a leg and keeps on tickin’ shows you just how badass they are. Overall, a good return, and the fact that they all look
the same makes them easier to keep track of since you don’t bother to keep track at all! In spite of this, I still found myself
subconsciously counting them.
As for the other characters, well, that’s where we get back to the bad bits. Ishida is okay as Kotomi, although the character isn’t
particularly deep, and I’m still somewhat bitter by the lack of a NEXTy Junko (although considering what happens to most of the
cast in this film, she’d probably just get killed or something.) But she fulfills her role well, and some of her scenes with Hongô are
genuinely sweet (although you wonder where the blazes Asuka went.) There’s the rest of the side characters, who are all pretty
forgettable, with Shindô being an especially troubling point. Never mind the fact that the technology used to turn those other girls
into Chiharu practically rivals anything Shocker’s got; Shimada is in a ton of other things but he always acts exactly the same: dour
and boring. When it comes to guest character casting, THE FIRST has this one beat. Yes, even with Der Wentz on board.
And then there’s Chiharu. Putting aside my dislike for the character, she’s played by Mori, who you might remember as Kamen
Rider Hibiki’s Hitomi. I’ve personally always felt that she was a weak link in the otherwise strong cast that show had, and her
character is the very definition of superfluous (especially later on) in the series. The Hibiki movie aside (where everybody is
automatically 1000% cooler), she’s far from my first choice for an idol people are supposed to go crazy over, and while her
performance in the movie is sound enough (with a veritable gamut of emotions), the fact that she kills people without a really clear
reason, and also looks ugly as ass under all that deformed makeup, does not engender much sympathy. Like I said, I felt sorrier
for Kazami because of what he had to do to her. In fact, I cannot relate how much I was waiting for Scissors-Jaguar to come
smashing through the ceiling during the final showdown, quip “What the hell is this, amateur night?” and stab her repeatedly. As it
should be. Have I mentioned I didn’t like Chiharu yet?
And that brings us to the miscellaneous bits. The cinematography of the film is quite good, using a moody, washed-out look. As
mentioned, the action scenes are well-handled, and despite my dislike for the plot involving them, the horror elements of the film
work. We get shaky-cam, we get quick cuts and jumps, and all that jazz. Whereas FIRSTy had been an “action love-story”,
NEXTy is undeniably an “action horror story”, and in that regards it does succeed… if only the action and horror could have been
in the same plot. The music, what little of it there seemed to be (really, I didn’t notice much) was good, and plenty of the familiar
themes from THE FIRST are reprised, including the pulse-pounding “Riders’ Action” during the bike chase. I love the soundtrack
from the first film, so this was a welcome addition. The lack of any clip of the classic TV theme was actually really disappointing; it
set the tone so much the first time around. I suppose, since THE FIRST was more of an anniversary/tribute movie, it makes sense
to just keep it there, but still… if you’re going to do a reimagining/tribute movie at all, might as well go the whole way!
As for the ending theme, ISSA’s “Chosen Soldier”… well, I have to say I’m going to have a lot of trouble deciding if I want to
buy the single or not. And the only reason I would buy it would be for the included NEXTy stickers. Compared to “Bright! our
Future”, which was a bit fluffy but fit the movie perfectly and I’d actually say I like quite a bit, this one just doesn’t really fit at all. I
like you ISSA, but this was not one of your better songs. Next time, make sure Ken & Yukinari are on board. Speaking of which,
while I’m not a Da Pump expert or anything, the lack of the other two says to me that either 1) Ken & Yukinari aren’t as
dedicated Rider fans as ISSA is, or more likely 2) Ken & Yukinari are a lot smarter than ISSA to not be involved in a song like
“Chosen Soldier”.
In the end, Kamen Rider THE NEXT will doubtless be a movie that inspires as much conversation as its predecessor. The
movie’s PG-12 rating, it’s increased violence and scare factor are topics worth conversing about, since this is the first time since
Shin Kamen Rider where a drastically more “adult” approach has been taken to Kamen Rider. As with that film, the final result is
mixed, although the cooler elements— in this case, everything where the people you’re seeing the movie for are on screen— do
save it in the end. I just wish that someone had took Inoue aside, brought up the fact that the Chiharu subplot has almost nothing
to do with anything, and locked him in a room until he rewrote it to work. While the Cobra/Snake subplot from the previous
movie divided fan opinion, at least to its credit it did attempt a rather ambitious idea, giving us the back story to two of the Kaijin
who are ultimately taken out by the Riders who never know who the people under the masks really were. While the ultimate
handling of that subplot was mixed, it looks positively Shakespearean compared to the fumbling, awkward way in which Chiharu's
is handled. Also, notice if you will: the human counterparts to Cobra & Snake made it into the trailers, got covered in the books
and magazines, and fans are always clamoring for more FIRSTy Kaijin toys. By contrast, the murderous antics and mutated form
of Chiharu were not covered at all in the trailers, the magazines made it look as though it was all part o a grand Shocker scheme,
and I seriously doubt anyone wants an ugly-as-sin mutated Chiharu in the next H.G.C.O.R.E. set. I know I don't.
Basically, if you changed some things about that subplot, or took it out completely, you could have one of the best Rider movies
yet. As it is though, Kamen Rider THE NEXT is a fun little romp, but one with many flaws that could stand to be corrected for
the inevitable sequel.
One thing that needs no correcting though: the utter awesomeness of Ichimonji kicking himself through the side of a truck. And
you can quote me on that.
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Kamen Rider 1971, 2007 © TOEI / ISHINOMORI SHOTARO. All content and custom graphics © 2007 Igadevil's Kamen Rider Page
Kamen Rider 1971, 2007 © TOEI / ISHINOMORI SHOTARO. All content and custom graphics © 2007 Igadevil's Kamen Rider Page
